tipping over the mental cows you hide behind

My boss still hasn’t finished rewriting my job description so I can have my promotion, but hopefully by next month she will. Come on, I want money. She is letting me come up with the position title, however, so that’s a bonus. It has to be something that sort-of commands respect because of the people I’ll be dealing with, but also somewhat technical. I’m trying not to let my imagination fly free with this one. In other, more exciting news, my dry erase board is covered in diagrams for my new database and an update on my existing one. It’s so exciting to come in every day and try to remember what the symbols I used mean. What does Msub1 mean??? I don’t remember. It has something to do with a main data set, but I don’t remember which one. But there are plenty of arrows stemming from it, so it must be important. I loaded Google Talk and Sean treated me to an eavesdropping session of his office. It was Felliniesque. Or noise pop. Not sure which one more so than the other. (note: I think you need a Gmail account in order to use Google Talk.) I’m going to reread Dennis Cooper’s new novel, “God, Jr,” this weekend. It was so good the first time I didn’t finish the last part so I could absorb the bulk of it again without knowing how it ends. His is probably the only art that makes me cry without actually being the kind of story to make you cry, it’s just sort of breathtaking. Maybe I’m overly sensitive to that kind of flaying of the human psyche. That sort of soul-raping feeling. It’s probably the best feeling I can have without chemicals, so when I find it I need to recognize it. I self-soul-raped myself once, with a story I wrote, and I was never able to reread it after I’d finalized it. It almost hurt too much to be a good kind of pain. Yes, yes, but no, I’m not trying to make myself sound good, it was just a moment in time. I’ve just loaded the following amount of Queen’s music into iTunes via my external hard drive: 1 day, 1 hour, 55 minutes, 37 seconds. 1.92 GB. That’s a lot. It should certainly see me through the day. Right now, “Leaving Home Ain’t Easy,” is playing. From the “Jazz,” album. Brian May vocal, with an amazing mini-tribute to the Beatles in the middle eight. It’s not raping my soul, but it is giving me goose bumps. I’m such a girl, I have to go get some coffee (not as if that will change anything, but it will set my blood on fire).